I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
