Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is an emotional support booty call
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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