My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just google imaged poop.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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