Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize