Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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