her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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