it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
