and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
