I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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