sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
