Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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