We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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