I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
