Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She bit a glass in half.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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