quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
