I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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