I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
