Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
