She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize