Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
