i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
