I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
