Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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