What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
