My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
