I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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