I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
