Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
