I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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