Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
