so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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