i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
