I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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