sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
