My hand turned me down
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize