Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
