at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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