**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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