Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
