did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
