Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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