did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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