As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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