She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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