The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
