Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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