i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
