I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
