She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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