i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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