I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
