oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
