i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
