I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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