Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
