do herpes really smell.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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