i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
