he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she told me i tasted like america
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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