those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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