No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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