areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
