i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
