Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
