We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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