i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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