Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
