I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
