I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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