dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
