Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
