at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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