i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
