im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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