Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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