I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
